My husband was not a bad person, but we have been through so much financially over the last 10 years, I just never felt secure and anything he said or did. Leaving your husband (a scary thought even for women in the worst of circumstances) given his abusive behavior ought to be given consideration. ( Log Out / Found out about 8 months after we got back together, that the X swooped in(using Son as the pawn)to get back together. It feels like you're trying to distance yourself from other people who've had their relationships break down by invalidating their reasons while elevating your own. ( Log Out / I can't watch a movie with a mom and kids in it and not cry anymore, no matter if it is a happy or sad movie. If you focus all of your time and energy on trying to make her dislike her new man, you're not doing yourself any favors. In the last few years I have cheated on a handful of occasions, one with an ex-boyfriend who I have known since college and is divorced with kids. Instead you need to focus on what to do when your wife leaves you for another man so you can not only get her back from him but rebuild your marriage so it's more secure than ever. I got tired of always being the one to try and be better. My marriage is over and I am about to lose my children because of what I have done. To say that if you have those, you will not make mistakes is quite judgmental, at best. They will just understand the gravity of what they did to you if it also happens to them… sometimes cheaters will support fellow cheaters and justify their actions I didn't know what love was and I thought as the years went by he was the love of my life. My ex wife claims to have found true happiness with this scumbag, but we will see how happy she is taking care of two girls that aren’t hers, and dealing with an ex wife. And my heart is drawn to him like a magnet. In some parts of the world this behavoir is still consider a criminal offence. Therefore, it is better to simply eradicate whatever it is that you do that puts you in that position. I do not think cheating on your partner is a good idea, and I recognize the hurt that it causes and I do not wish that on anyone. She was a single mother.. i gave her this and that... i've been working hard on my business to meet her demands and bills..etc. It has been six months since leaving my husband. but once the routine of normal life sets in you will see that the reality is , its not a Disney ending, you are not a princess being saved by prince charming, you are just 2 selfish people who have to live with the guilt of everything you have done to those that you supposedly "loved". Until I was so miserable I felt I was sinking. Like Gary, my wife of 7 years left. It is best to look in the mirror and examine what causes this behavior. I will never enter another relationship again. I will not experience tremendous happiness now with my wife & children because I know I deserve the best. Before any of that I had felt the same. Take a step back and deep breath and focus on the big picture as opposed to what's happening this very moment. By Jennifer Cephas. It's always been him and he has felt the same way about me after all these years. Having been cheated on by my ex, who recently kind of abandonned our child, that I'm taking care of on my own, I still feel confused. Thank God He saved me from a person who only wants a greencard & my money she just used me for greencard. The hurt is real and it may never go away. What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Therefore it is quite laughable when I come across guides that still use all those moribund strategies and methods, those guides that can not differentiate the do's and don'ts of saving a marriage. Couples who implemented the strategies found on these guides literally added fuel to the fire burning in their marriages rather than dousing the fire. We're all about supporting you as you create a space in this world where you feel comfortable. And yet we are supposed to 'friends' now. Especially if your s/o had no idea and did treat you right. Access the best success, personal development, health, fitness, business, and financial advice....all for FREE! But I want him in my life. A person with values, morals, and ethics would not cheat on another no matter what. The impulse for an affair (need this be said?) You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. He was utterly poisonous and bitter at life, and I withdrew from him and became highly depressed. You are controlled by your feelings. But guess what…. And now for the story (though it is more me, trying to get it out of the system): You think they didn’t feel like they loved the person next to them anymore. It is always about the lack of money and his insecure occupation, his inability to plan for the future which is part of his ADD for which he never sought treaqtment. We wanted to buy an apartment in the same part of our city, we both love cars, architecture, theater, etc., you get the picture. Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. And I will live with that because I made the mistakes, and I own that it was my fault. The person who i thought was ‘the one’ has broken me with his cheating, lack of commitment and it has killed me inside. Lol. What kind of moral callousness flows through another human being’s blood to actually want to put someone else through such tortuous pain? Should I have tried harder, maybe. The reason why some marriages end up collapsing i.e. There is no need to dwell on the mistake that has already been made. That's God's job anyway. I would tell myself that I could be a better wife. It's hard to talk about because cheating isn't a good thing. In many relationships this isn't the case. Please Register or Login to post new comment. Marriage is hard. Toxic. Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. 3. But when choosing to write an article looking for commiseration, empathy, & understanding, leaving out crucial details to humanize your perspective will negatively affect that message. The guy called me threatining me, but I told him I dont see why he should fight me cos i am not the one who left him, and maybe I was not gonna leave him. And, in my opinion, there are only a few good reasons to leave a marriage. If he/she will cheat with you; they will also cheat on you. Forget the pain they have gone through and will take with them in life….just saying. Not just any old flame though. Yes you are a cheater. At least that is what I keep trying to tell myself. Threw away a person who valued you for a fantasy. We met up. 4 yrs, into the relationship found out that Mom was behind the scences w/ daughters telling them to me rude to me to get me out of the picture. It was selfish, and, for that, I live with the guilt of it. We were caught last May, and my husband suddenly was able to qualify and purchase a home in September, something that I have been wanting to do since we lost our home in 2011. He still blames the affair as the cause of the divorce. Then yesterday my husband and i agree on getting a divorce, but then he changed his mind, and we got into a big arguement, violence, cops, and a restraining order, so my husbands gone,then today my “friend” calls me and tells me to stop callin him because he doesn’t want trouble… talk about my heart being crushed!! We have 2 great kids, ages11, 12 and 14. I've never been able to tell MY story because any forum I've come across is immediately blockaded with the "cheaters are the scum of the earth" types of people. But, that doesn't mean those in the situation should have to stay silent. That they are on the other side, and can look back and call those relationships "starter marriages" now is because they've accepted that those relationships didn't work out the way they hoped, learnt from them, and are ready to move on with that experience to guide them. Unfortunately, you can't do that. Regardless of how painful it is for you to not see your kids, from his perspective, he's just been dealt a couple of pretty big blows that he's had no control over, AND he might feel like you're not carrying your share of the parenting responsibilities. Or should I follow my heart and leave knowing that he will never change? Angry that her 'boyfriend' didn't have to sit there and witness the pain he helped cause our son. So on the other hand, I do really regret it. And no, I'm not looking for sympathy. Change ), You are commenting using your Facebook account. Girl Scout, It is obvious you are a very selfish person. When you are done with sorting yourself out, then you can seriously start thinking and seeking for ways to sort your spouse out. Joe, it’s been 8 months since I posted here, and I can safely say that life couldn’t be any better than it is now. BUT…if there was no danger, just a lot of unspoken, glossed over unhappiness that's been jammed between the seat cushions, then perhaps husband should have been given a *chance* to rectify the situation. Best of luck to you. Save your marriage now and visit Save The Marriage. I have met and fallen in love with a wonderful woman, my kids are happier than ever, and between me and you I’m getting the best sex of my life! I strongly urge you to read everything on the next page before it's too late and time runs out- Click Here. I don't regret my decision to leave, just the way that I did it. He has even asked me to leave my husband and Im seriously considering it, but why am I so scared of taking this step???? Unfortunately, you can't do that. I can hear all those who have left their partners telling me I am just bitter and get over it, well yes I am bitter but so I should be I made a commitment for life not for three years, I gave the girl everything I had and she threw it back in my face, I would not put my worst enemy what she put me through so yes I am bitter. Otherwise every relationship is a starter marriage, or a non-starter. You probably wake up some mornings wishing it was all a bad dream. And, jesus, you can initiate a divorce without throwing the extra pain of "I've been cheating on you and I'm leaving you for him" in there, yikes. Frankly it would've been easier to cheat, but having been on the other side, I couldn't do that to someone.